I mean snow, of course. And not just in Copenhagen either.

I know, I know. This is weather, not climate. I’m not stupid. Or more stupider than the next guy, I mean.

At the same time a draft document was leaked that would ask the world to keep temperature rise below 2C (3.6F). It would ask rich countries to cut greenhouse gases, but does not yet have legally-binding numerical targets. It would also ask developing countries to take action to reduce emissions for the first time. The leaked text caused anger among delegates just as President Obama arrived at the conference to “save the Earth”.

The Copenhagen Diagnosis?  I’d say it’s something like “the show must go on.”

“The e-mails show some of the world’s top experts decided to exclude or manipulate some research that didn’t help prove global warming exists.

1998 was the hottest year since record-keeping began…but the temperature went down the next year, and it’s only spiked a couple times since.”

Der Watergate-Skandal brachte Richard Nixon zu Fall, Monica-Gate zerstörte die Glaubwürdigkeit Bill Clintons, und jetzt also Klima-Gate – der Verdacht, dass der menschengemachte Klimawandel nicht mehr ist als nur eine Verschwörung unter Klimaforschern.

Google Book Search bad. German Digital Library good.

Upset and suspicious about Google’s attempts to digitalize books, pictures, sculptures, notes, music and films to make them available for everybody on the Internet, the German Cabinet has just agreed on a plan to digitalize books, pictures, sculptures, notes, music and films to make them available for everybody on the Internet.

I’m not making this up, people. I wouldn’t be able to. Contrary to what you might think, Germans don’t like technology. Not unless its their own, I mean.

Culture Minister Bernd Neumann called the project a “quantum leap into the world of digital information.”

Thoroughly outraged by revelations about a gambling ring that has fixed or tried to rig at least 200 matches across Germany and the rest of Europe, including three in the Champions League, German football fans across the nation spontaneously took to the stadiums yesterday and began randomly beating the you-know-what out of each other.

“We demand stiffer sanctions for this match-fixing nonsense stuff immediately already,” roared one blood-soaked, club-wielding fan. “This kind of behavior is absolutely unacceptable and is just the kind of thing that could give the sport of football (some call it soccer) a bad name.”

German police said on Friday they had dismantled a gang with more than 200 suspected members operating in nine European leagues.

Climategate was yesterday. “Zwei Wochen vor dem Klimagipfel in Kopenhagen bringen Hacker prominente Wissenschaftler in Erklärungsnot: Unter den geknackten Mails und Dokumenten finden sich peinliche Lästereien über Kollegen – und Andeutungen über Daten-Manipulationen. Ein gefundenes Fressen für ihre Gegner.”

“Die Wissenschaftler gehen zum Gegenangriff über.”

“Hundreds of private e-mail messages and documents hacked from a computer server at a British university are causing a stir among global warming skeptics, who say they show that climate scientists conspired to overstate the case for a human influence on climate change.”

“In the 1999 e-mail, Jones wrote of using a trick to hide an apparent decline in recent global temperatures on a chart being prepared for use by a meteorological organization.”

Damn, this global warming debate really is a hot subject.

“The e-mail had been taken completely out of context.”

Bullet-proof vest, I mean.

You may be tough and you may be a German football (some say soccer) star, but when it comes to playing in next summer’s World Cup in South Africa, sicher ist sicher (it’s better to be safe than sorry).

That’s why Germany’s footballers will be expected to wear bullet-proof vests next summer, and stay as near their hotel as much as possible. Even while playing, I guess. Sicher ist sicher.

“The possibility for the players of moving outside of the hotel boundaries should be kept to a minimum.”

PS: Here’s a related article, sort of.

Sing along with us! We’re threatening you again, Germany, and this time (the fourth time) it’s for real, this threat is, that is, honest. And we really mean it too no fooling for real.

That’s right. Germany is on edge again today (as it is every day), only this time it’s after receiving a fourth consecutive al-Qaeda video warning threatening an imminent bomb attack in Germany unless the government withdraws its troops from Afghanistan, which it is already planning to do of course, as quickly and thoroughly as it possibly can, although not quite all too publicly just yet, and everybody here knows this you see. So go figure. Dumb terrorists.

They (the terrorists) still don’t know just how “crudely pacifist” Germans really and truly are. As writer Thea Dorn rightly (writely?) described in last week’s Zeit (Vulgärpazifismus – where’s the link, you pacifist Zeitpeople types, huh?), unlike in other countries and cultures, freedom is free in Germany. As soon as it starts to cost anything, or even appears to, they’re outta here, or there (Afghansitan) in this case.

The terrorists don’t have to do anything here, in other words, so they won’t. They’re not really dumb, in other words. And I hope they didn’t take an offense in me saying that they were up there in paragraph two. Peace, brothers.

“The threats were aimed at German voters ahead of next Sunday’s general election and were being taken seriously by the security authorities.”

I thought only Americans did this kind of thing. Now it’s your turn to apologize to the world for defending your own troops – and yourselves.

„Friday’s airstrike was called in by a German commander after Taliban rebels hijacked two fuel tankers.“

“The German commander ordered the airstrike after seeing live footage of the tankers, with people around them, beamed from US aircraft in the skies above Kunduz.”

“The Germans, who also spoke to an informant at the scene, decided the people were militants.”

“Auch international steht die Bundesregierung nach dem verheerenden Luftangriff in der Kritik.”